Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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