I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
