Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
