Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
