I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize