32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
