let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
