you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
