I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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