he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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