we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
