at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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