She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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