She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
