im having a threesome with these popsicles
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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