My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
