well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
