i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she told me i tasted like america
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
