Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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