maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
