walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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