youre lurking in front of me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
