i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
