She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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