I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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