I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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