his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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