I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
