I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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