Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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