So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
