Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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