Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
