Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
