I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
