All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I forget how to act sober
Randomize