u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
