My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
