i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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