So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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