i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
