grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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