yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
