It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
