i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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