Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
