bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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