i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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