please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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