I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
