So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
