i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We need to rekindle our bromance
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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