He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
