please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
