Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
