you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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