I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
