My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
