I bet he comes in French.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
