just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
