i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fuck appropriateness.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
