meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
