I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
