she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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