somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
