i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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