i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize