I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
