i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You're earring is so big in my mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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