You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
