I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
