i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
