i would punch a child for taco bell
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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