how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
