why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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