Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
